When you’re in love, everything around you seems beautiful. But when the passion subsides, it becomes clear: To be together for a long time, you need to know some secret. Scientists have taken an interest in this topic and conducted research that explains how to keep a relationship strong.
Love is beautiful, love is amazing, love is the best thing on this planet. But love is a bitch. And marriage is hard work every day.
After these words, older people will nod in agreement, and young lovers will plug their ears and recite by heart the movie “Three Meters Above Heaven.
So what can you do to make a relationship last as long as possible? Myths about love sound appealing, but what to do in reality if you want to keep your feelings ardent for life?
It’s surprising that everyone asks how you got married. No one asks how you managed not to get divorced.
It turns out that there have even been studies done on this topic. Their results may well be taken on board and put into practice.
Internet dating doesn’t work
If you want to find an ideal partner with the help of a computer algorithm, or if you are going to look at the profiles of only those whose “Interests” section includes familiar words that you know, then you are doomed to failure.
After all, studies show that similar interests do not have a significant impact on relationships. The cumulative result of 313 studies, conducted separately, shows: Your mutual love of Woody Allen movies will not help keep your marriage longer. In 2010, the level of marital satisfaction was studied. It turned out that the same interests of partners have no effect on this indicator.
When we want to meet a copy of ourselves, marry her and live happily ever after, we make a big mistake.
Real life is completely different. Getting married to someone just because he or she also likes to listen to Radiohead and cry is pretty stupid. Your compatibility has only a 1% impact on the length of your life together.
Every couple has problems. It’s all about how you deal with those difficulties. In other words, it’s not how you feel that matters. What matters is how you feel about your feelings. You need to find someone who expresses their emotions just like you do.
John Gottman, a professor at the University of Washington, presented solid evidence that this is what affects how long a marriage will last. The way you behave creates the emotional pattern that shapes the overall existence space of a couple.
You shouldn’t be concerned about getting your partner to like Scarlett Johansson’s acting. By choosing your spouse, you automatically get his or her problems as well. The only thing you should be concerned about is how to structure the relationship so that there is as little conflict as possible.
Arguing is good.
It’s okay to fight over even the smallest things. Seriously, it’s perfectly fine.
Scientists believe that couples who fight more often than others over the smallest things live long and happy lives. On the other hand, those couples who fight only for the most serious reasons have a better chance of getting divorced.
Of course, you shouldn’t fight on the first date, but the study says: If you’ve spent three years together and you’ve hardly ever fought, you’re probably on the verge of divorce.
Scientists believe that fighting and arguing are a way of showing your feelings. Without them, your relationship becomes unhealthy.
You might say that Romeo and Juliet never argued. There’s an answer to that, too.
Anything that leads to success in life will also help you succeed in marriage
We talk so much about what it takes to succeed in work, school or life. It will all work in a relationship, too. Do you want your partner to be faithful to you? Devoted? Be firm. Girls, look for firm, confident guys. Men, pay attention to those women whose opinions don’t change depending on the direction of the wind or the weather.
It is the toughness that helps us in life that is responsible for the ability to work at difficult tasks for a long time. Why is it important for relationships?
Researchers say: toughness helps us cope with circumstances and problems. And in marriage, there are always some problems that arise. Those who can’t solve them give up and give up on relationships, jobs, and stop building careers.
Love won’t last long on its own. Feelings only stay hot and passionate because people work at it.